Quarter Life Crisis

I’ve been going through what I call my quarter life crisis for a while now.

I am 25 years old. A ‘real’ adult. Its weird how many times I have had to tell myself that. Its funny when you are young and you think of 18 as an adult, and then when you are teenager you think of maybe 20 as being an adult then by 20, I though once I finished college. Now, low and behold, there is nothing preventing me from being an adult.

I just do not feel remotely as accomplished as I feel I should be.

Regarding work: I like my job, but I do not LOVE my job. I was really enjoying combining my two jobs, working at MGH in research and NWH doing clinical work. I actually just resigned from NWH because MGH offered me full time hours and from a financial stand point, it makes more sense. I am getting to cover an outpatient clinic once a week at MGH so at least I get that variety.  I do not really feel like I am helping people as much as I want to. I do not feel as necessary. I am still a big advocate of health, nutrition and preventative care, but unfortunately the majority of our society is not.

When storm Nemo just hit and I had to work at the hospital so many people said, “But why? You are not an essential employee. You are not a doctor or a nurse.” Ok, obviously the doctors and the nurses are important, but dietitians play their role too, and in the case of an emergency I am sure I could help out wherever needed.

This was the ocean near my house during winter storm Nemo. 

And my house... 

and the road! 

            Personally, I am married to a pretty awesome guy, so that’s good. I do not know if we will ever have kids, but right now I still feel “too young” and from the financial side we definitely couldn’t hack it right now. We are happy with are furry and feathered babies. We almost got a new puppy recently, but at the last minute Jordan’s mother requested that we did not, and since she is technically our landlord, we had to listen.

           

Speaking of which, on the home front we had previously talked about moving to California, but now since I have a steady job and Jordan is doing pretty well with his work we haven’t discussed it recently. We have been living in the cottage next to his parent’s house to safe money. It is in Gloucester, which is gorgeous, but it is far from a lot of things. It is also a bit hard to be semi- living with his parents (though it does work out well for pet care.)

            I think part of the problem is I am so used to being so busy with school and work to only have work now seems weird. For the past year I had planning a wedding as a “hobby” but now that that is over I need something new. I have just been depressed and uninterested in doing anything. I have been watching a lot of television.

            I made a “bucket list” a long time ago but it needs revising. I have been pinteresting away about things I want to accomplish. A lot of what people have on their lists are to go certain places, but I do not know if I really want to make my life about traveling to places that other people say are special. I am sure the Taj Mahal is amazing, but I do not know if visiting it will make my life have more purpose. I would rather spend my time and money on things that will make my life more valuable to myself and others. (I do really want to go to India though.)

            Anyway, I am going to attempt to get out of this funk. We are taking our belated honeymoon to Mexico next week! So at least that will be something different. I haven’t been on a real vacation in a while. Maybe it will change my perception on travel too.

Here are some of my bucket list-a lot of them are rather vague but I guess that is part of the beauty of figuring out life :)  what is on yours?

New Years “resolutions”

I admit – I started writing this post before new years and somehow never finished.

I realize the last time I blogged about “New Years” was the start of 2010! Reading it, I am really happy I wrote that post. It was a great summary of a year as well as my goals for the coming year. Looking back at my post nearest to New Years this year, I realize I was really depressed and remember not wanting to blog because everything I started to write came out negative and whiny. But I think either way it is important to regroup, recap and reinvest myself in life and thinking about what I want.

A look back at 2012

Work Stuff:

• Started working at Newton Wellesley as a Clinical Inpatient Dietitian
• Did Maternity leave at Massachusetts General Hospital as a Research Dietitian.
• Got offered and accepted a permanent job at MGH as a Research dietitian.
• Got my very own NIH research protocols! (Up to 9 now!)

Personal Stuff:

• I was a Bridesmaid in my good friend Melissa’s wedding (the first wedding I have been in since I was a flower girl around age 5!) 

• Melissa got pregnant- making her my first friend close friend MY age to becoming a mom! (I have lots of friends with kids, but they all seem older and it still seemed out of the realm of possibility even though I guess I am getting to be a real live adult now.)

• Got married myself to one of my best friends.

• Got a new name!
• Maintained my optimism for the most part.
• Made it through most major holidays without my typical self destructive melt downs.
• Despite being a lot further away from most of my friends – I think I managed to maintain a lot of good friendships- though there is always room for improvement and love seeing everyone!

Physical:

• Tried hot yoga (and hated it!)
• Tried crossfit (and loved it!)
• Ran my first 5K (Zombie Run for Our Lives) 
• Did the 10,000 push up challenge (100 push ups every day for 100 days before the wedding.)
• Did lots of other yoga
• Started working out with my hubby :) 

Looking back on my 2010 “resolutions”

· Learn how to accept a compliment – I have definitely gotten better at this.

· Work on being healthy, mentally and physically. – Still working on it. While I may have more adipose tissue, and I am not sure about my cholesterol etc, I would say I definitely feel better, and I am treating myself a lot better than I used to.

· Live in the moment, but make decisions that I will be comfortable with and proud of looking back.  – So far so good. If anything I may have found I do better when I plan a bit more!

· Continue to work on financial stability, while paying off undergrad loans.  -  I still feel like I have no money- but I did successfully graduate grad school with no debt, and I only have <$1000 left on my undergrad loans. I do now have a car payment, however, but little by little, chipping away!

· Prioritize. And make sure I am living accordingly. – An ongoing battle!

Goals for 2013:

·         Be happy

·         Be healthy (physically and mentally)

·         Be financially responsible

o       Finish paying off my school loans  

o       Pay off at least 1/3 of my car loan

o       Continue saving for the future/ an emergency

·         Keep learning

o       Listen to NPR or the news at least every work day.

·         Try new things (maybe do 1 new thing a month?? Hmm I will have to think more about this!)

I have taken so many counseling classes that I know my goals should be specific and manageable, but for now, I am going to leave it at that!

What are your thoughts on resolutions and the New Year? 

How do you have time to blog??

I am chronically complaining that I have no time. Clearly the truth is I have 24 hours in a day just like everyone else, I just need to learn to manipulate my schedule a lil better.

My current Schedule includes:

* Massachusetts General Hospital ~ 20 hours/ week
* Boston University Teaching Assistant ~ 20 hours/ week
* St. Elizabeth's Per Diem ~20-40 hours/ week
* Caritas Carney Hospital 5 hrs/ week (plus annoyingly long commute)

* Class Not as much time as I should be spending on it!

I have also learned that all work and no play really does make Johnny (erm, Jamie) a dull girl. During my undergrad I started off as Pre-med... lets just say "pre-med weed out classes" have their purpose, and I was definitely weeded out. Consequently my GPA was pretty abysmal Freshman year, and every year after that was basically struggling to bring it up. I unfortunately focused so much on school work and not enough on the rest of life.

I am back to trying to create a balance between school, work, playtime, me time, and the ever-important sleep that I frequently neglect.

Usually when I get busy things get eliminated in this order:
1. Working out
2. Sleep
3. Going Out
4. Showering
5. work/school work
6. Eating....
I somehow always make time for eating, whenever I am really busy or struggling financially my parents always ask if I am eating ok, I inform them that is one of my top priorities and it tends not to get cut out... I can do without a lot but we all have out little luxuries. I may not cook persay, but I'll take the time to eat something.

I've also come to realize- I can't do work ALL the time, no matter how I try. I always feel guilty if I am not at least attempting to do something productive. At any given time I can usually be found with something I need to do (for instance, last Friday I went out with my Labs quizzes to grade in case I had time on the train... )

But really - somethings require more mental energy than is available in a short period of time such as on your commute or when I want to multitask at work during my lunch break...

I have started taking the Metro when I go on the T, because that tiny bit of news may be just as valuable as that one paper I wind up half-heartedly grading, and when I have a spare 5 minutes at work, or before bed, I write blogs rather than logging onto Blackboard and trying to work on a homework assignment that I really need to just sit down and do when I have an hour to dedicate to it.



Life is all about balance. And I am working to reprioritize and reorganize myself. So, despite my "lack of time", I hope to continue to take a little bit of time out of my day for myself, such as through blogging, and making time for friends and family <3

Here's my current lil "family", Dan, Sookie and myself